In these troubled times (terrorism and all), we here at your AP Site thought the best thing we could offer people is an informative guide to the world around us. To help everyone better understand the countries that make up this big blue planet of ours. So without further ado, our encyclopedia:
Italy:This is the country in Europe that looks like a big boot. Major contributions to society include; pizza, the roman empire, canoli, and a big city that is darn near underwater.
Notable Italians: Ceaser, Chef Boyardee, me.
Iran:This is the country which we sold military weapons to in the eighties, which is bad. They than used those weapons to fight Iraq, which is good. But before all this they liked to kidnap Americans, which is bad. Also, A Flock Of Seagulls had a top 40 hit in 1983 with their pop song of the same name.
Notable Iranians: Aaytola Kohmenhi (who died on my birthday in 1989).
Columbia:This South American country is known for its massive coffee production and exporting. Along with the coffee it also exports a huge amount of narcotics (hidden in the coffee as demonstrated in Beverly Hills Cop 1).
France:France is widely known for its once impenatrable Maginot Line. This massive defensive structure stretched hundreds of miles from Southern to North France along its border with Germany. It included cannons, machine gun installations, housed thousands of soldiers, and was fortified by military airstrips behind the line. Unfortunatly France left a huge section in the North open and Germany just went around the Maginot Line and conquered France in about two minutes and forty two seconds.
Notable French Perons:Jaques Cousteau, Peppy Le Pew
Mali:(pronounced Moll-ee)This Western African nation was once an empire that rivaled the Roman Empire in size and wealth. Now, with two oxen and an acre of land, you can buy a wife there.
Notable Mali's: Molly Ringwald.
China:China is an enigma. Arguably, has the largest number of citizens who live below the poverty line, and many citizens not having enough to eat. This may have something to do with the incredibly high price of chinese food (currently $10.75 for a sweet and sour pork dinner with pork fried rice at the Panda Buffet a block from where I live). At such prices it would be impossible to feed a billion plus citizens.
Notable Chinese:Charlie Chan, Bruce Lee
Japan:Japan holds the distinction of being the only country to ever have nuclear weapons used against them. They also survived many attacks by Rodan, Mothra, Ghidora, and Megalon. Usually these attacks were repulsed with the help of a giant fire breathing lizard, by the name of Godzilla.
Notable Japanese: The Iron Chef
Canada:Canada, commonly referred to as "America's 51st State", is known for its exquisitly good bacon, thousands of miles of beautiful country side, and its colorful currency (which must be exchanged at the border because it cannot be used in any of the other 50 states.)
Notable Candadians:Alex Trebek, and a very rude Toronto hotel desk clerk by the name of James.
Tibet: Tibet is widely known as the country that used to be a country before China swallowed it up. Some activists hope that China will some day give Tibet back its independence, to which China says; "Fat chance, jerkfaces".
Notable Tibetans:see China (above)
Egypt: Best known for its ancient pyramids, the Suez canal (through which millions of tons of goods pass through every year), and the discovery of The Arc Of The Covenant by Dr. Indiana Jones in the late thirties.
Notable Egyptians:King Tutankhamen, Susanna Hoffs
Pakistan: Pakistan, commonly referred to as; "The country that would have been a bomb cratered wasteland had it not been for immediatly helping the United States after the events of 9/11.", has waged numerous wars with its neighbor India. To this date, neither country has won a convincing victory, but that may change now that they have aquired nuclear missiles and first strike capability.
Germany: Germany is best known for not trying to conquer the world at all in the last 57 years (this is of great relief to neihbors Poland and France). Also known for its cultural extravaganza; "OktoberFest" which was created to replace its once bloodthirsty need to own the world and universe. Now, Germans once a year drink a lot of beer and eat blood sausage.
Notable Germans:Boris Becker(non tax resident), Colonal Klink
Zimbabwe: This central African nation was once considered to have great economic potential, unfortunatly the policies of President Mugabe have led the country astray and now that potential thing is pretty much gone now. The most popular past time of Zimbabwe is the "Acquried Immune Deficiency Syndrome", which is traded in much the same way baseball cards are traded in Western nations.