Your AP Site Finds A Family Whose Child Was Not Kidnapped In The Last Week
With the recent spate of kidnappings and in keeping with our high standards of journalism and investigative reporting, your AP Site has located a family who has a child that was actually not kidnapped in the last week. Kenneth Layman and Victoria Mussel-Layman, of Norristown Pennsylvania, in an interview with your AP Site confirmed yesterday, that their daughter, 13 year old Brittany Layman was safe at home and had not been kidnapped.
According to Kenneth Layman, a bio-tech engineer in Norristown; "Brittany is safe up in her room. We of course are thankfull for that."
Mrs. Mussel-Layman did admit however that; "She really wasn't ever in any danger. All she's done all summer is sit up in her room and talk to her friends on the computer."
Mr. Layman added; "And listen to rock music, you can't even understand what they are singing. With school starting in September, we're hoping we'll see her more than once a day, we really only see her when she is hungry. She has a lock on her door."
Thirteen year old Brittany, a freshman at Norristown Polk High School, denied our requests for a telephone interview. When reached via AOL Instant Messenger later that evening and questioned about not being kidnapped, Brittany remarked; "You talked to my mom and dad? They suck." And "This whole frickin house sucks." And "I wish someone would kidnap me and get me the hell away from this stupid house." And finally; "Who the F---- are you anyway?" Further attempts to clarify Brittany's comments were unsuccesful due to her implementation of AOL Instant Messaging blocking software. In related news, AOL-Time Warner is trading at $12.55 amidst heavy trading. gmd 8/16/2002 09:30:00 AM