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Thursday, January 30, 2003


Because I am going to be way to busy doing nonsense chores on Friday (today technically (sp?)) and can't post any of my wit and wisdom (I'm sure my three regular readers will be devestated) I'm just going to repost my AP SITE SPORTS EDITION 2002 where I pretty much explain what is a real sport and what is not (I think I posted this last August). (Nonsense chores being; taking out the garbage, scooping litter boxes, cleaning out the refrigerator, waiting around all day for the furnace cleaning guy to come, shoveling and than spreading ice melt on the sidewalk, cleaning out the humidifier, brushing the long haired cat, somehow climbing onto a chair and cleaning the dust off the cieling (sp?) fan without breaking my neck, taking the car to the car wash (I think I'll pass on this), and doing some laundry.


As a service to our many readers (I think three now!!!) we thought we would put togeher the definitive guide on sports. When you are done reading you have the Ap Site's permission to print it out, sell it, give it away as a gift or whatever. Heck, if you want, you can copy and paste it and put it in your own blog and say you wrote it. With Christmas just around the corner I would consider the gift option as it would go great with a fruit basket or something.

Okay, long ago, at a professional level this used to be a sport. Now, only at the college level and below. I pretty much tossed this one out after the last strike. And now I guess there might be another. Without a really good salary cap, pro baseball is going to be about as popular as curling pretty soon. Oh yea, and when Cuba beat Baltimore, that just so totally peed me off. Thanks Baltimore.

Pro Football
I don't think you could find a better sport all around. Its one of the few sports left where spending a godzillian dollars does not gaurentee a championship. And the only time they (the owners) mess with it, is to make it better. Like realignment. Awesome. To have a team like Jacksonville in the AFC Central was just ridiculous. And I love instant replay. Of course I'm going to nitpick a little though. I think we protect the quarterback to much. And the refereeing is pretty bad at times. When a ref blows a call that changes the outcome of the game he should be fired and banned from the game for life.

College Football
The whole bowl system stinks. I mean, it just stinks. How to fix it? I haven't a clue. Not a single clue. And how come when our beloved Penn State went to The Big Ten, they didn't rename it? How come its "The Big Ten" even though there are more than ten teams?

Pro-College Games
I think after the Superbowl every year, the best college team should play the worst NFL team. Now that would be a game. And the Bengals would get another paycheck.

The Williams sisters will dominate this sport for the next five years or so. I mean, they're like the titans of tennis now. I don't see anyone who can really beat them. As far as mens tennis goes, its about as boring as watching golf.


Minature Golf

Any sport where two people get into a ring and beat each other half to death is cool in my book. But if you want to see the really good fights, stay away from the heavy weight matches (hug fests). The real action is in the middle and featherwieght fights.

I'll start watching pro basketball when they start enforcing the traveling rule. Go with the WNBA or college ball for a good game.

Okay, this should be a pro sport. Why? cause I am like the king of badminton. I rock!! I mean, there is no one I can't beat. I really am great at it. You should see me in action, I should be called the "Terminator". Yup, its true.

Figure Skating
Sorry, not a sport. I've never trusted the judges and never will. The whole Tonya Harding thing was interesting.

Only by virtue of the fact that there is a finish line do I consider this a sport. Also, its always interesting when one of them sinks.

Auto Racing
Its amazing to me, with all the horrific accidents that happen, that more racers aren't killed. I mean, the car gets demolished, flames and what not, and out pops the driver 9 out of ten times.

In the eighties me and three other friends played soccer, but we augmented the rules to allow tackling. Thats the way it should be played. Its tough to watch on tv though because of the lack of breaks though. I'm guessing you've got to be in amazing shape to play.

I'm going to call this a sport cause the other night on Discovery (or TLC I think) they did this thing on these huge competitions they have. In once scene this girl had a handful of teeth knocked out. They also did this segment on cheerleaders who had been paralized. So I guess, in a competition sense, this qualifies as a sport. The sideline stuff, not a sport, that would fall under the entertainment category.

Yea, as strange as it looks, this is a sport.

Hunting and Fishing
I love to fish, but you know, you really can't consider it a sport. There's no teams, no points, nothing like that. Plus, in the fishing shows, it blows my mind that a guy catches a fish ten times larger than the largest one I ever caught and he tosses it back. What the heck?

This is one of the best sports. Its also involves something else called "larceny" or "fraud". The last Rangers game I went to a beer was like six bucks and a pretzel was like three.

Ball Room Dancing
Why the hell not, everything else is considered a sport these days.

Dodge Ball
Should be banned in all civilized countries.

Volley Ball
This is a great sport if your tall and you are playing short folks, cause you can spike the ball in their face and feel really cool. Of course, if your like me and can't get the ball over the net when serving, those short folks will laugh and make fun of you.

1/30/2003 09:17:00 PM
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