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Tuesday, June 10, 2003


I'm going to be doing this tomorrow so I'll do part two tonight.

Udate, 11:27pm
I can't find How To Bathe A Cat Part Two. When I wrote it I'm sure I put it on a disk. I just can't find the disk. I have way to many disks. One cool thing though, it was great to call in sick today (while of course, not being sick) and just spending the day on the sofa watching M.A.S.H., eating leftovers, napping, and watching the cable news.


Step One
Step one is the part of the bath where you try to talk yourself out of actually giving the bath. Is the cat really dirty? Are you on blood thinners that would prevent proper clotting of wounds? Do you not have a metal cage and a hose? If you answered yes, no, and no, than you can proceed.

Step Two

Do not discuss with the members of your household the bath within earshot of the cat (or in the house at all). Discuss it outside the house, like on the back porch or something. If you do need to mention the bath inside the house, instead of using the word 'bath' replace it with something like 'Joe Piscopo'. Well, you don't have to use 'Joe Piscopo', any word will do. Also, unless it is bath time, if your in the same room as the cat try no to think about the bath.I'm not saying that they can read minds but, well, its a 'just to be safe' thing.

What You Will Need

1) A piece of paper with the names, blood types, medicine allergies, and numbers to notifiy in case of emergency for each of the participating members. The piece of paper should be placed in a plastic zip lock back to keep it from becoming soiled by water or any other fluids. The most responsible person in the group should be entrusted with carrying the paper. It might be a good idea to make multiple copies as well, to be distributed amongst the group.

2) 2 fluid ounces of whiskey (or any 80 proof liquer) per person. This is to be consumed 30 minutes prior to the actual bath.

3) 1 large blanket. This can be used as 'capture' net. It can also be used as a make shift litter for an injured person, or this can be used in case of fire to cover the flames and smother them.

4) 1 large tube of Neosporin with Pain Relief.

5) A small stick (no more than 12’’ in length) of sturdy wood, and leather belt or rope. This can be used to make a tourniquet. At least two members of the bathing team should familiarize themselves with the proper application of a tourniquet. It is not advised that only one member know how to do this, because if that member may need an emergency tourniquet applied he or she may not be in a condition to advise the other members.

6) 20 to 30 band aids.

7) Long sleeve shirts or sturdy fabric for all participants, denim jeans (no shorts), and at least two sets of workman’s gloves (the kind you buy the hardware store, not Isotoners or something like that).

8) 4 Bath towels of good appearance. Meaning, no holes or tears in the fabric. All equipment must be in good order as this is a very dangerous undertaking, and getting your fingers caught up in a tear in fabric may lower your senses or distract you from the task at hand.

9) Cat shampoo. The brand or price does not matter. The cap to the shampoo should be removed and the bottle placed within easy reach before the cat is brought into the bathing area. Any amount of shampoo, even a dropful, if able to be applied, should be seen as a success.

10) An ‘appointed tasks’ list. Each member of the bathing team should be appointed specific tasks that are to be rehearesed no less than twice before the actual bath.

11) Exit strategy. This should be discussed thoroughly during rehearsel. Things to be discussed : order of withdrawl in case of emergency from the bathing area (to many people squeezing through the door at one time may cause injury), the importance of keeping the exit clear of people and obstructions.

6/10/2003 08:37:00 AM
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