Okay, this is super cool. I was going through my computer last night deleting a bunch of old stuff and I found a post from last year that I don't think I ever had a chance to make. That morning I was stuck in traffic and had to pee really bad and that night I wrote all about it and I don't think I ever posted it. And I am going to be super busy today because I am taking off tomorrow and won't get to post much. Oh, we only got one number right last night so I'm still poor. Darn.
April 17th, 7:55 AM
I pick up my coworker Marco at his house to take him to work. Marco's car is in for inspection and needs like a billion dollars worth of work so Marco is out a car for a week or so.
I drop Marco off at work and think briefly that maybe I should go inside and use the bathroom cause I think I have to pee. (You know, that feeling you get when you are not going to be near a place to pee so you better pee now). Well, I figure, I'll be home in 30 minutes I can hold it for that long.
Twenty minutes from home, I have the "I kind of have to pee" feeling, but thats okay, traffic is going cool, and I'll be home in twenty minutes. My gosh, there is even a good song on the radio, that happens like once every ten years.
I notice that, about ten minutes from my freeway exit, traffic is starting to stack up, and we are starting to slow down. I don't think much of it, traffic is weird, it bunches up all the time for no reason at all. I'm sure I'll be back at 65MPH in a minute or so. Which is good, cause, I'm starting to think that I really have to pee.
I am so not going 65MPH. As a matter of fact I am going ZERO miles an hour. Traffic is at a dead stop. And I'm thinking, maybe I should have went to the bathroom when I dropped Marco off.
I have not moved an inch (I know this cause I put the car in park). And still traffic is backed up. I turn the radio on (was listening to a John Cougar tape) to see if the radio traffic report is on. Of course there is no traffic report, but I do get to listen to "Papa Don't Preach" by Madonna on the station that usually has a lot of traffic reports.
Traffic has not moved an inch. I'm starting to look around at the other drivers to see if they are as peed off as I am. Everyone else seems to be not peed off at all, which seems to oee me off a little more. And by now I am doing the 'rapid leg shifts' cause I so really have to pee RIGHT NOW!
Traffic has not moved at all I notice the lady in the car behind me is smoking a cigarette and reading a magazine. My knees are knocking together and I'm thinking I wish on the sides of the freeway there were trees or bushes or something so that I could jump out real quick and take care of business. Of course there isn't.I'm starting to hate the world and hate myself for not having gone to the bathroom when I dropped Marco off. I'm also starting to hate Marco because all this is his fault too.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! WHY WON'T THIS F&%*&%* TRAFFIC MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Traffic moves ahead by about ten feet, and I am thinking, my God, it will be over soon!
Traffic has not moved at all in the last six minutes.
I look frantically around the car for something to pee in. I find nothing. The traffic report comes on the radio, it says there are no major tie ups anywhere, that there are no major accidents and traffic is moving smoothly in all north and south bound corridors.
The car has moved ahead only about seven feet and I start thinking, well, I might just have to pee myself. I mean, it will be uncomfortable, but it would feel so good to relieve this pressure. It would feel so good to relieve this pressure.
I hate everything and all the people around me. They all stink. I have to pee so bad and there is not a (expletive deleted) person around me doing anything to help me and I wish they would all die cause they (expletive deleted) especially that lady behind me who is still reading her stupid magazine and that stupid dumb dork in the truck next to me singing along to the music he is listening too, I bet they all thought to pee before this stupid traffic mess and I hate them all!!!!!!!!!
My urge to pee has somehow gone into remission. I feel okay.
I HAVE TO F#%#^%#^ING PEE RIGHT F%#^%#^# NOW!!!!!!!
Remission over. I have to pee like a race horse. And I feel a sudden urge to cry. I really want to cry.
"Well, you know, if you did pee (and relieve this incredible freaking pressure!!!!) no one would be the wiser. Who would know? You would feel so good! The pressure would be gone!"
I bang my head off the steering wheel. Traffic moves five more feet. I accept the fact that I am just going to have to pee myself. I take my windbreaker from the back seat and begin positioning it under myself (I do have a new car you know). I actually start feeling good about myself, cause, you know, it will soon be over! As soon as I get the windbreaker under myself I will be sitting in my own pee and I will feel better!
Somehow, someway, I realize to myself, that my gosh, just hold off for five minutes. If traffic has not moved at all in five minutes that just go ahead and do it. It was meant to be. (You know, it was just meant to be that I pee myself).
I try to pee myself, but something holds me back, just barely.
Traffic starts moving.
Okay, after that, I was home in ten minutes. I don't know what caused the tie up. All I know is that when I got home it was the greatest relief I have ever felt in my life.
3pm I forgot about my daily diet report!
Breakfeast- Cheese omelot, ham, pancakes.
Lunch- 2 bean burrito's I bought at the Gettymart, I'll know in 6 to 12 hours if I have food poisoning (according to what I read on the internet).
Dinner- I haven't had it yet buts its going to be tuna helper (alfredo sauce) but there won't be any tuna in it, I started cooking ground meat thinking it was hamburger helper, so it has ground beef in it.
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